Have An Affair

But take your brain with you...

In my e-book, THINGS I WISH THEY TOLD ME; How To Enjoy A Relationship With An African Man, I have a chapter that says, Have An Affair.

Yes, I am advocating for affairs to make relationships work and of course, men are not happy. Mostly because they think women cannot handle it. Sometimes I want to believe them.

There is a story about a woman, who was a third or fourth wife. She came into the union with crazy hopes of overthrowing the ‘government’ of the day. Of course, nothing worked according to plan, instead, the Mzee added helpers to their pond. This did not sit too well with Madam Number Three. She decided she too could play the game. I can tell you now, it ended in premium tears. Here is why.

My mother used to say if you are going to have an affair, do it because it is something you want and not as a way of seeking attention or revenge. You will get hurt all the time. I understood that later. When making decisions from rage or hurt, you will rarely make good ones. If you have an affair in this state of mind, you will pick the wrong situation or worse still, an entanglement. Listen, you need to be sober enough to do a self-assessment and then from there list the pros and cons of having an affair. Madam Number Three just wanted to get back at her husband and show him she was still ‘marketable’. Hoping to make him jealous she got involved with a young wreckless man.

She had not assessed what she stood to lose. The young man was broke and was happy to show his love and bedroom skills for some money. Until he got greedy. Then things moved from bad to worse.

My friend always said that women should always 'cheat up'. He claimed that if you were caught, your man would apologize because his 'competition' was more than worthy of a rival. However, you can only do this if your head is in the right place. Otherwise, you are just purchasing a ticket to a hotter hell than the one you are currently in.

Assuming madam number three was in the right frame of mind, she would have considered her financial situation. She did not have any money of her own. Her husband was ‘Mr. Money Bags’. You do not tamper with your source of comfort. And if there is one thing a man cannot stand, it is you handing over his hard-earned cash to another man. I honestly wonder about her friends and relatives, yawa. It is as if no one could stop her from crashing. The whole idea is to get relief, not a project.

In my book, I insist an affair must be had respectfully. This is from the days of old. Our grannies had affairs but they carried those secrets to the grave. 

There are as many reasons for affairs as there are reasons to marry more wives. Perhaps the man is no longer up to the task, but you still have desires. The man could be terminally ill, or, like Madam Number Three, he is adding wives, and by the time he circles back to you, your fleshly desires have driven you insane and jealous.

In any case, you must ensure that all pros and cons have been considered. You must be mature enough not to be motivated by vengeance or any other irrational emotion. You cannot blackmail anyone into loving you back or make them so envious that they believe you are the only one for them. If you have these clear in your mind, I dare to say you are ready to put yourself first and meet your needs without jeopardizing your relationship.

I have received a lot of flak for advocating for women to have affairs. You will be relieved to know that women did not begin having affairs because I told them to. To be clear, I am not opposed to happy marriages; on the contrary, I am in favor of women enjoying this life. Make the most of your time here without causing havoc hence a guide on enjoying a relationship with an African man. All of the other rewards that are said to be bestowed upon us when we die are uncertain. We know what we know now.

Back to Madam Number Three, she got involved with a younger man, who had nothing to lose. He was reckless and greedy. So greedy that when he found out who her husband was, he started blackmailing her. The mzee found out and the rest is painful history that could have been avoided by making sober choices.