Forget Hollywood....

Learn to separate issues and prioritize your pleasure.

The storyline is familiar. Husband goofs and wife sends him to sleep on the couch. After a night or half a night, he begs to go back to the matrimonial bed. She lays down fresh ground rules, and then he is allowed back, and they have make-up sex. Which is his reward for accepting the new rules and seeing the error in his ways.

Or the couple is having an argument, and she says if he does not agree with her, he better forget the mysteries that lay between her legs.

These methods seem like a good idea until you try them on an African man. By the way, my e-book, THINGS I WISH THEY TOLD ME; How To Enjoy Your Relationship With An African Man is available for download here.

We all know this because we have either experienced it or someone close to us has.

“Go back where you came from!” He goes. And does not come back.

Or you 'run' away from your home expecting that he will come for you. Until he does not. So you either come back yourself or stay gone.

We do not live in a Hollywood fairytale. You need to get this in your head and heart. For one, you cannot negotiate with your vagina as a reward unless you know it is the only one your partner has access to. KNOW. Not think.

Second, sex is for your enjoyment as well. I know, shocking! It is not something you do for your husband to keep him happy or do to your boyfriend to 'trap' him. Those things do not work. You need to separate issues. Sex for your own pleasure is a thing. Sex is for your enjoyment. Try kidnapping to keep your man and maybe become a comedian to make him happy. 

Most women cannot stand themselves or sex because they have never had sex with someone they are aroused by or even someone they like. When I told my mother I was pregnant at twenty two and not married, I expected her to throw something at me and then give me a lecture on morality and the joys of christianhood. Instead what she asked me threw me off balance, I thought it was a trick question. “Did you enjoy the sex?” Sorry? what type of question is this? “If you did not, do not go back. There is nothing worse than sleeping with a man who disgusts you.” 

Women, let us normalise having sex for pure enjoyment. Have orgasms. The benefits of orgasms are wild. You will sleep better, increase your self confidence, lower blood pressure, boost creativity & immunity, have healthier hair and younger looking skin and (to all those with headaches) it is a pain relief.

You want to enjoy your relationship with an African man, have sex for you 99% of the time.

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